Blog is currently suspended, but if I think of anything I'll put it down. That Allstate commercial is pissing me off recently so I'm sure I'll think of something. Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

CITIZEN WATCHES: Eli Manning- Stoppable

Editor's note: This was actually much more appropriate in December of 2007 after Eli was terrible and had thrown 20 regular season interceptions. As of 2/4/08, Eli could certainly be considered "unstoppable" after becoming the MVP of the Superbowl.

Citizen, I'm sure it was a simple mistake. A bunch of your marketing types were standing around the water cooler one day when the following conversation ensued:

"I hear there's this football player named Manning who is really awesome and doesn't care what products he endorses. He endorses everything!"
"Sweet! Let's get him to do one of our commercials. I know. We'll liken our watches to this Manning fellow and say they are both unstoppable!"
"Great idea! We're all going to get a huge bonus this year!"
(laughter and cheering)

Citizen, the Manning you were looking for is named Peyton. Peyton Manning, not Eli. Even Archie Manning would have been OK, but you were definitely not looking for Eli. Eli Manning is not a good football player. In fact, you could actually make the argument that he sucks pretty bad. One thing you cannot say, however, is that he is unstoppable. Believe me. He is very, very stoppable.

Realize that every time your commercial airs, millions of football fans all over the country are laughing at you. I'm not sure what angle you are going for with the whole Eli/watch comparison anyway. Are you saying that your watches will not live up to the hype and ultimately disappoint millions of people? Are you implying that your watches will crack under pressure and fail on a weekly basis?

If I were you I would head over to your water cooler, fire everyone in sight, and pull the commercials immediately. But dammit they are everywhere, so that makes it infinitely more difficult. I've seen Eli and the Citizen watch in magazines, on TV and even at bus stops. Citizen execs must get chest pains when they see Eli, their watch and the huge bold print UNSTOPPABLE! all together on one huge billboard.

After you’ve pulled all of the ads, call Peyton. I'm sure he'd be up for a new endorsement.


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Anonymous said...

I bet the author of this post feels like a real toolbag.