How many times do you think you've heard the Subway "Five Dollar Footlong" song at this point? About eight hundred? Yeah me too. You've found yourself humming it in the shower or on the way to work for the last month or so, haven't you? Yeah, me too. You can't get it out of your head, can you? Yeah, me neither. You're thinking of jumping off a cliff if you hear it again, aren't you? I don't yet, but another few hundred times and I might have no choice. Enough, Subway! Mercy! Uncle! I give up! If I go buy a sub, will you for the love of God please promise to stop playing that song? Thank you. Thank you for that, Subway. Thank you.
I used to love Planters peanuts, but now when I think of Planters peanuts I can only think of the ugly woman with the mole rubbing peanuts on her cleavage. It's not cute or clever. What's cute or clever about rubbing peanuts on your cleavage? I'll tell you: nothing. It's just gross. I won't be picking up any Planters any time soon.
I know somewhere in America, the law of averages say that there is someone who has uttered the phrase "Oh, it's the Alltel Wizard commercial! I love this one!" but I will try to block that thought out of my head.
Oh man. It's stuck again. I'm singing it in my head right now. Chances are you are, too. Don't resist it. Sing it loud and true. Five. Five dollar. Five dollar Footloooong!